Going to Africa?
Through the warm showers and the cold, I am Yours.
Archive for 2008 — Page 2
How do you do?
Keep it cool, man, keep it cool.
Potential
Seems like every aspect of my life is full of potential, but nothing is blossoming. At least not yet. Maybe 2008 is going to be a year of investment and positioning… Of preparing myself for the thing(s) God is going to bring to fruition in my life.
Ricky put it this way… My life and future right now are like being at a strip club (not that I’d know). Everything seems great and exciting but I can’t really touch anything for real, and I have no idea if anything that I’m pursuing will eventually materialize into something meaningful.
But I’ll keep pushing forward in all aspects of my life, even when it doesn’t seem to make sense.
Unknown
I’m OK with not knowing what is going to happen in my future.
I gave that to God a long time ago. Not that I don’t care what happens in my life, but I abandoned it to God’s desires and that was the best decision I’ve ever made. It literally doesn’t matter to me now what I end up doing with my life because I know that as long as I keep surrendered-to and seeking-after God I will be doing the ‘right’ thing.
What I’m not OK with (or rather, what I have a harder time with) are instances that necessitate action or decision making in the midst of such unknown. I want to make decisions but am held back by the openness of my future.
Example: My car’s transmission went out last week. Bummer. Car trouble happens to everyone, though, so I don’t mind too much. I also don’t mind that I have to get a new car because my old one wasn’t worth fixing. My anxiety comes when I don’t know what kind of car to get or if I should just keep using the good ol’ Buick Century that my parents are letting me borrow. If I am moving to Africa in May I shouldn’t buy a car. If I’m going to continue to do music and keep gigging, I should buy a car that is going to be reliable, fuel-efficient, and has the correct cargo space.
What to do?
Pray, I think.
Driving
Sometimes when I’m driving I feel like I’m controlling a mech-warrior or something and that everyone else on the road is doing the same.
Is that weird?
Tremendously Difficult
It is tremendously difficult to live for God’s glory. Living with the Kingdom as one’s first priority and focus is quite a task. Why is this? Why is living for myself so much easier? Why do I find that I am far more capable of putting myself first in my life than I am of striving for the things of God?
All I know is that I want to serve the Lord. I want to edify the Kingdom and I want each and every one of my actions to point towards that coming reality… That time that is racing toward Earth… That moment in time when there will once again cease to be an Infinite and Qualitative Difference Between Eternity And Time. The last time this happened the fractured relationship between Creator and creation was restored. As the second person of the Trinity shared our humanity we were blown wide open, experiencing the grace that was designed for us. In the moment of Christ’s second coming we will once again experience this grace, this time for eternity. In this moment and those forever to follow, the wolf and the lamb lie down together in harmony (Isaiah 11:6). Similarly, Eternity and time will once again be found chest-to-chest, embracing, hearts beating in synchronization, and this time it will last forever. Wrongs will become right and the Lord and his justice will rule the day.
This is the reality that I want to live and work toward in my life. It is not my first inclination and it is a daily struggle, but it is, in reality, the life I was designed to live and the only life that is really worth living. Daily I feel the temptation to despair at being so far from God, and daily I must be reminded of the age to come where there will be no distance to hold us back from one another.
