Sometimes…
…I hate having a blog. What’s the point of having it if I write so sporadically that nobody will actually come and read with any regularity at all. But I write.
Life ‘between the times’ is rough. I mean… I’m not in school any more. I’m not really a gigging musician, I more or less just pretend. I’m not doing any work that I see a future in for myself (specifically – Africa).
I’m in between all of these and I think it is quietly killing me. What do I really have to do in any given day? Answer: Pretty much nothing. What do I do with most of my days? I mostly pretend to be busy… reading (meaning, falling asleep), working on Lovelite stuff, spending (wasting) time on the computer, and hanging out with Heather.
I feel much less heroic than some people seem to think I am, but here’s the thing… I’m learning how to be. It’s tough to realize that I’m not doing much of anything worthwhile and yet I’m still valuable and that I can just be me and that that is good enough. There will be time for accomplishments but for now I must be content to grow and prepare and love and learn who I truly am and who God is creating me to be.
I must also learn to be a man ‘between the times’ in that I need to be connected to a community of people who is also learning to live between the times. I need a church that I can be involved with that will stimulate Christ-centeredness and love in me. I need a place and a people that I can believe in and that will believe in me not for what we can each get but for what we can each give.
Guess I have to quit the church gigs. That won’t be a bad thing.
