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0Matt • 8th Mar 2008 • Uncategorized

I’m OK with not knowing what is going to happen in my future.

I gave that to God a long time ago. Not that I don’t care what happens in my life, but I abandoned it to God’s desires and that was the best decision I’ve ever made. It literally doesn’t matter to me now what I end up doing with my life because I know that as long as I keep surrendered-to and seeking-after God I will be doing the ‘right’ thing.

What I’m not OK with (or rather, what I have a harder time with) are instances that necessitate action or decision making in the midst of such unknown. I want to make decisions but am held back by the openness of my future.

Example: My car’s transmission went out last week. Bummer. Car trouble happens to everyone, though, so I don’t mind too much. I also don’t mind that I have to get a new car because my old one wasn’t worth fixing. My anxiety comes when I don’t know what kind of car to get or if I should just keep using the good ol’ Buick Century that my parents are letting me borrow. If I am moving to Africa in May I shouldn’t buy a car. If I’m going to continue to do music and keep gigging, I should buy a car that is going to be reliable, fuel-efficient, and has the correct cargo space.

What to do?

Pray, I think.